A hillbilly's dream

When I think of the national parks, I think of stunning views of mountains, rivers and wildlife. And the Great Smoky Mountains National Park definitely has many amazing natural wonders. But there's a surreal man-made wonder that makes this area an honest to goodness hillbilly heaven.

Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, Tennessee are two mountain resort towns that sit at the western entrance to the park. Nestled in amongst the oaks and pines are all kinds of tacky theme restaurants (Margaritaville anyone?), over-the-top dinner theatre (lumberjack feuds!), amusement parks (Dollywood!), water slides, carny shows, go-carts tracks, candy shops, arcades, and whiskey tasting rooms. I love it.



Just a small taste of tacky in Gatlinburg.

There's a Paula Deen theme restaurant and gift shop. Apparently she's still popular in these parts.

Justa good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...

Quite an assortment of merchandise

I stayed in Pigeon Forge for one night, and dove right in. I opted to go to the Dixie Stampede dinner theatre, mainly because it was conceived by the great Dolly Parton. If it's good for Dolly, it's good for me!

The ageless icon of Appalachia

The pre-show show.

A cowgirl stunt-riding, standing on two horses and jumping through a flaming hoop!

There were real buffaloes in the show.

A chicken race with help from the kiddies.

Everything about the show was over-the-top, but the dinner itself may have been even more ludicrous.

First, no utensils. You must eat with your bare hands.

Second, no alcohol. I almost bolted out the back door. But alas, this is a wholesome family show, and I was really enjoying it. So I stayed and had the sweet tea instead.

Third, the portions: a cheese biscuit, cream soup, corn on the cob, half a potato, bbq pork loin and WHOLE CHICKEN. For each person! With bare hands! I saw a group of eight year olds, each looking utterly bewildered at the WHOLE CHICKEN on their plates.

My WHOLE CHICKEN, and no utensil in sight.

Dinner-mates Gene, his wife Claire, their pastor and his wife. They are from Virginia. Gene ate the whole WHOLE CHICKEN.

The rousing finale had Dolly singing America the Beautiful. I had a tear in my eye.

 Dolly, that was a great show. I will be back. Now, onwards to the Smokies!